At a services halfway up the A1 somewhere near Doncaster, there was an advert on the men’s toilet wall that read;
“1 in 5 men suffer with premature ejaculation.”
Surely it’s the women who suffer isn’t it?
Though I wouldn’t know…
…I’m normally asleep by then.
Love Is A Tug Of War
Love is a tug of war,
A war without any hope.
I take the strain,
Then you drop the rope.
1- the reproachful stare.
B – numbered lists.
3 – writing ’10 things women do better than men’ lists.
4 – talking about non practical things on the phone.
5 – talking about practical things on the phone.
6 – at only having one organ to think with.
7 – performing everyday tasks without expecting a gold star or sexual favours.
8 – sexual favours.
9 – remembering what someone was wearing at a specific event 10 years ago.
10 – everything else not mentioned above.
11 – knowing when to stop.
Often, female friends ask me for a male perspective.
I usually burp, ignore everything they say then talk about football.
Some forgive by sitting on the suitcase lid,
Forcing the jumble down ’til the catches click
And lop shouldered from their weight, cram it under the bed.
Some forgive by pulling the tiny pieces to pieces.
A post mortem scrutiny.
Then cremate it when they understand what the cause of death was.
Some forgive by stowing away the abuse,
Cling film wrapped for freshness,
To be dragged from the fridge for citation and later use.
Some forgive by taking time to cross examine inner thought.
Analyse, dissolve, debate, resolve
Publicised in an open session in court.
Some forgive with a childlike bundling smile,
If you ask me,
That takes real style.
Some do not forgive.
They carry it around like a sharpened hatpin
Waiting to push it in the eye of the person committing the sin.
Men are to love,
As ants are to picnics.
There is a saying that states there is more difference within the sexes than between them. There is another book that would argue we are from different planets.
Here are a few other thoughts offered up to me by my Dad
Women will always be right and men will never understand why they are wrong.
Always listen to what they say – because at some point they will say ‘you haven’t been listening to a word I say!’ then you can regurgitate said preamble and carry on reading your paper smugly.
If you are walking a small group of girls home after a party or club, always make sure the pretty one lives furthest away.