How not to launch your book on Amazon…

A good way to launch a book is to take it squarely by one of it’s corners and fling it as far as you can.

lilo

E-books are more traumatic to launch, as I have recently discovered, having published my first book, ‘Blood On Borrowed Wings’ on Amazon last week.

So, for all the friends who have asked me how it is going, and to all the first time writers / publishers of hidden gems, to you steadfast bright-eyed Bloggers – here’s a guide on how it went.

  1. Social media is only as good as the friends you have on it. Do not think that because you have spent six years of your life crafting a masterpiece of storytelling that could be lighting up Hollywood as soon as THAT producer gives you THAT call … do not think, for one minute, that it is anything more remarkable than anything else appearing on Facebook. It is no more significant than someone’s kid smashing pureed fruit into it’s face. It’s no more precious than a digital witty postcard telling you why women like gin, men like tits and everyone loves retro and vintage and beards. it is just another event on the screaming scrolling wall of shite, and by many it will be ignored or forgotten (not that I am bitter. Ha Ha)
  2. The support you get through social media is invaluable in selling and getting a buzz going around your book. I am lucky enough to have some great friends who have shared links, bought copies, left reviews and…well…just even taken the time to read what I have posted. The success I have had thus far is because of them. The limited nature of my success is of my own making – I do not use Facebook, have never twatted a tweet in my life and thought a Blog was somewhere people went to defecate (turns out I was right.)
  3. Every sale is celebrated. For me, the important thing was finishing my novel and making it as good as it good be. But once it was published I started to care about if people were reading it. Buying it. Burning it. Liking it. It is nothing to do with money or pride. It is to do with having created a living entity, a personal one at that, and releasing it into the wild to fend for itself. Of course I am going to want to know how it is doing.
  4. However good your book is (and of course, I kind of like mine) the sales are going to look something like this.
  5. business-graph-downward-trend-1
  6. This could be for many reasons, but I have highlighted the main ones here:
  7. I do not know how to number lists correctly.
  8. I do not know how to market my blog or book or self correctly.
  9. I do not know how Amazon works.
  10. I do not know how graphs work.
  11. The book is toilet.

7a) I do not know how to number lists correctly.

  1. And no matter how I look I cannot find a blogger to review my book who does not have a back catalogue occupying them until the next millennia…(but I know you are out there … and I will find you … I will … Bwah ha ha! > evil laugh.)
  2. So if you are a book reviewer who wants to read something by a genuine trier (I’ve looked, that is a word!) check out my book blurb via the link on this blog and get in touch if the mood takes you. A free copy awaits.
  3. If you are a fellow author about to launch a book – take heed. Social media, networking and shares, links and blogs are how you will help people find out about your book. It might matter how good it is, but equally as important is the quality of promoting and marketing you can do. This is the yin and yang of self-publishing. Quality writing and quality promoting. Well, to paraphrase Meatloaf … one out of two aint bad.

 

A big thank you to all of my friends and family who have helped me launch my book. Thank you for taking the time to help and for believing in me and what I have written. Now get back to posts about why dung beetles are like men. Who knows? There might even be a list of something somewhere for you to read.

 

 

 

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Book Launch

Hello all.

It’s been a long time.

Just thought I would hurl a preliminary post out there to see if any of you are left and this blog site is still active?

I have finally finished my novel and will be launching it on Kindle in the next week or so. Follow this site for updates and more information.

Let me know if you are still out there (short / sarcastic / caustic / insulting comments) and watch this space…..

 

Thank you

 

Linking WordPress to Kindle – Help

Anyone have any ideas on how best to put a link on your Blog to your book on Kindle?

Any way I could have a picture or fancy graphic that when clicked on would lead to my book?

I am not technically gifted (as you may have guessed) but am keen to make the most of my blog to try and raise the profile of my work when I release it.
Soon.

Any help would be gratefully received.

Thank you for reading.

Mobile telephones – poem

Mobile Phones – a midnight rant.
(freeform unedited poetry)

HEAD DOWN IN SHAME

    You tube, you porn, you rot away,
    Facebook, grace took, retina display.
    Google, gag on http and ham soup,
    Twit your brain down into gigabyte gloop

    Text, predictive,
    L
    O
    L
    Shorten bandwidth, broaden hell
    Favourites, email, apps, returned call
    Down will come handsfree (cradle and all)

    FaceTime,
    Not face to face time.
    Siri,
    Don’t say.
    Compete,
    Whine online.
    No conversation
    Or play.
    Blog,
    Rate,
    Like,
    Recharge
    And Bookmark.
    Kindle your fire
    (to read in the dark.)

    Tablets and handhelds and wifi and pics.
    Bluetooth and waterproof and camera clicks.
    Headaches and hand aches, rsi and no laughs.
    No bite, no water fights and no framed photographs.

    Just a retinal burn,
    The tired cursor, blinks and waits
    For your last clever blog,
    Your software updates.

    And you’ll sit,
    And you’ll sit,
    And you’ll wait for the beep,
    The sounds of your life
    That resounds in your sleep.

    A concoction of misery, an implosion of home,
    Look down, be ashamed of your mobile phone.

Laws of Blogging 3 – Copying

Not mine, but so good
My thoughts drip to flood
To copy you a poem from a worn out book.

It’s sad that I should plunder
Another cloud’s thunder
But my words are far too simple and easy to overlook.

For my words sometimes fail me
Or like fanfares can hail me
Mine – rhymes of flatlines, theirs – of how the earth shook.

But to impress you I lose
The desire to choose
To copy you a poem from a worn out book.