Business Speak 2 – more gobbledygook from the world of morons

I have had a few more business speak classics thrown my way by friends and fellow bloggers. I might start a collection. Might even rebrand my blog (whatever the f@&k rebrand means?!)

Here they are. All real. All examples of the kind of gimp faced twattery the worst of us are capable of. It makes me shudder.
Enjoy.
And why not send me some of your personal faves? I’ll post them next time round.

Boss to female colleague at bar-
‘…don’t be afraid to use all your weapons. They are yours and the customer does not know you have them.’
(It’s amazing that a pair of brogues, a yellow jumper draped over the shoulders and a senior job title can still do little to cloak the fact that he was an utter stale cod smelling smear of a man.)

‘I consciously examine my own hypotheses.’
(It’s a shame you don’t go and subconsciously throw yourself off a cliff.)

‘I will wear a ‘quality hat’ every day.’
(And substandard shoes?)

‘I track targets with a wide lens.’
(And look for my brain cells with a telephoto.)

‘I am forensic in producing data.’
(They call me the Quincy of the business world.)

I have similar feelings towards people who ‘roll’ things out.
That’s fine if it’s a ball, marbles, new carpet or dough…but ideas are not always spherical.
Bollocks are.
(Well kind of)

That is my weekend rant over.
Add to it if you like, if not, thanks for dropping by.

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3 thoughts on “Business Speak 2 – more gobbledygook from the world of morons

  1. PedalDad 11/05/2014 / 7:49 am

    I constantly absorb this shit by osmosis and fear I’m becoming one of “them”. More and more often I now enjoy going in to a meeting and “peeling back the onion” (Before playing buzzword bingo)

    • Curlydaz 11/05/2014 / 8:28 am

      That is awesome! I’ll be quoting back that one next time. Luckily we have running to keep us outside the inner circle of hell. Thanks for commenting. Keep on running. D

  2. thursdaykaratefft 18/01/2015 / 9:25 pm

    I think rebranding is what i just did by removing all the bits of frazzle that didnt get and turning it 90 degrees to the left :/

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