Time – my first line

Here is the first line from new novel.
It sums up my view on time.

Let me know what you think of it, either comment or follow my blog.

Thanks. Daz

“Whoever said time is a healer, lied. It is not. It is just another dirty four letter word.
A dark destroyer.
A hurtling obsidian juggernaut.
The wrought-iron wrecking ball that swings at the tiny, fragile, ceramic, hand-painted ornaments of our lives and heals them to smithereens.”

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19 thoughts on “Time – my first line

  1. dairyairhead 27/04/2014 / 3:18 am

    I like it a lot! It does draw me in and makes me want to read more. That being said, I can’t decide whether I like “heals them to smithereens”. It is very counter-intuitive, which is probably the point. I think I like it. But looking at it twice, my first reaction is “that doesn’t make sense”.

    • Curlydaz 27/04/2014 / 7:35 am

      Thanks for your comment. Really helpful. Counter intuitive was exactly what I was going for. Something almost anachronistic, that did not fit, to accentuate the non healing nature of what time actually does. Thanks again for dropping by, I really appreciate it.

  2. Steve P 10/05/2014 / 4:09 pm

    I realize my impression might be different after reading your entire novel, however, the opening lines are far too negative for me. A lot more could be said, but let it suffice to say, “time is a gift from God”. Therefore I am very uncomfortable referring to it with the connotations implied by calling time a four letter word. Thanks for allowing me to comment!
    Steve

    • Curlydaz 10/05/2014 / 5:13 pm

      Thanks for commenting Steve. I believe time is one of our most valuable things (if it could ever be called a ‘thing’). The beginning is meant to be negative, it is to show the embittered, desperate and sad state of mind of my main character. He is jaded from grief, loss and bad experiences. That way he can go on a journey, a character arc, a theme for the novel. I acknowledge your point but if everyone was optimistic and cherished things as they should – there would not be the tension, conflict and evolution I needed for the plot and characters.

  3. marjma2014 26/05/2014 / 7:21 pm

    I was drawn to the words of your opening paragraph, though I found heals them to smithereens seems out of place but if as you say this is your intention maybe it might work.

    • Curlydaz 26/05/2014 / 7:39 pm

      It’s basically a way of saying time heals nothing. Heals to smithereens is deliberately discordant, it’s a play on words, that time is a wrecking ball. How painful and obliterating loss can be. I really want to thank you for your comments, it helps me get another’s perspective (never a bad thing.)

      Now, back to editing! Aaargh!

    • Curlydaz 28/05/2014 / 2:12 pm

      Thank you. Getting good feedback so I’m trying to stick with it. Do you write?

      • erinkenobi2893 28/05/2014 / 3:35 pm

        I do. 🙂 Some fanfic. Mostly novels, though, recently. In fact, I’m currently posting my WIP “Bound to the Flame” on my blog. Perhaps you’ve seen it?

  4. Steve Morris 02/06/2014 / 6:43 pm

    Heals to smithereens isn’t really working for me. The rest is good.

    • Curlydaz 02/06/2014 / 6:46 pm

      Thanks. That sentence is definitely dividing my audience. Maybe I should put a little more text to see if it works. Or cut it once and for all. Ah, the joys of editing. Thanks for commenting Steve.

      • Steve Morris 02/06/2014 / 7:04 pm

        Well, I know nothing, so ignore me, but I wouldn’t risk losing 50% of my readers in the first couple of lines. Get them hooked, then throw everything at them!

      • Curlydaz 02/06/2014 / 7:25 pm

        Good shout. Thanks friend

  5. ninamishkin 14/06/2014 / 3:50 pm

    “Whoever said time is a healer, lied. It’s just another dirty word.” That’s all you need, if you’re writing a novel. Then get on with your story right away. Unless the “novel” is going to be a prose-poem, the rest of what you’ve got is just you loving the sound of your words. Sorry, but I’m with Steve: you’re going to lose novel readers right away.

    • Curlydaz 14/06/2014 / 3:53 pm

      Thanks Nina, I am paring it back at the moment. I recognise there is no space for the florid in a novel (or any good prose), but I sometimes find it hard to follow the maxim less is more. Your comments help. Thanks again.

      • ninamishkin 14/06/2014 / 3:57 pm

        You’re welcome. See P.S. below. 😀

  6. ninamishkin 14/06/2014 / 3:51 pm

    P.S. Thanks for the visit and the “like,” anyway. 🙂

  7. mysteryangel324 15/06/2014 / 2:54 am

    I like it also. Thank you for liking my poem angel plant

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